I would have assumed you probably listened to Michael Bolton and lost interest in you.

I had to be at the court house early. I had already missed the first day, and was beating myself up about it. I had taken the first bus from Skellefteå to Umeå. That was a two-hour bus ride and I had arrived in Umeå just after eight in the morning. The first day of the trial was set to start at 10 am. I had thought that would leave me plenty of time to be on time. But when I had approached the stern gray building, with a belly full of moths and two cheese sandwiches and a Walkman loaded with goth rock in my purse, there were already throngs of people waiting outside in the hazy morning. Crush barriers had been erected and some people had squatted down onto the pavement inside these pens, and where drinking coffee from thermoses. This really made the rock show/freak show vibe even more pronounced. I waited in line too. And more people came and stood behind me.

I noticed a couple of raven-haired girls with heavy eyeliner and 'Free Juha'  t-shirts. They looked at me too. Because I could tell and they could tell that we should be friends, would be friends. Because back then friendships seemed easier, and less complicated. The only prerequisite to become a friend of mine was: Good taste in music. This meant that if you answered Michael Bolton, when I asked you what kind of music you liked, you would never be invited to sit on my bed and listen to records and talk about black holes at the outskirts of the universe. And if you said: Oh, I listen to everything, or: I am omnivorous when it comes to music, I would have assumed you probably listened to Michael Bolton and lost interest in you.

But we didn't talk and we didn't get in. After I had stood waiting for about half an hour some guy said that only fifteen people from the general public would be admitted. The rest of the seats in the courthouse were reserved for relatives and for members of the media. There were probably fifty or more people waiting. But I stood there anyway until I knew for certain that it wouldn't happen. Someone was talking about Juha being brought in. And I thought maybe I would catch a glimpse of him being led into the building. But they must have used a back entrance because I never saw him. Instead I walked back to the bus station and sat on a bench eating my lunch while waiting for the next bus.